A Cajun Christmas Story!

[emmanuelle]

This one's for Chop



(Please read with the appropriate Cajun accent!)

Twelve days of Crissmos in de bayou....

Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Tanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree. will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.

Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sen two turtle doves,but all I get was dem two scrawny pigeons.

Anyway, I mix dem with andouille an med some gumbo outta dem.

Day 3: Dear Boudreaux, How come doan you sent some crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickons to Marie Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed the tird one to my doag Phideaux.

Marie done need some sparring partners for her fightin rooster.

Day 4: Dear Boudreaux, Mon Dieux! I tol you no more friggin birds. Deez four, what choo call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators. Lawd.

Day 5: Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem golden rings, me. I hock dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and get enuf money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!

Day 6: Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you coonass turkey! Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six gaeases. He tried eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck outta his snout.

Dey good at eating cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of dem wit erster dressing on Chrissmos Day.

Day 7: Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you, me. Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue him good.

I let dem seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from Mississippi blasted dem outta de water. Talk to you tomorrow.

Day 8: Dear Boudreaux, poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and dere cows. One of dem cows get spooked by da alligators and mostly tipped over da boat.

I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepinq da shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably tink dey too good ta skin dem nutrias I caught las night.

Day 9: Dear Boudreaux, What choo tryin to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow da Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you calls Lords-a-Leaping across de bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey want a tea break wit crumpets.

I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens.

Day 10: Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like ladies in
front of dose Limey twits.

Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by water moccasin over by da out-house.

I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper: The Sears catalog wasn't good enuf, no, fer dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin.

Day 11: Dear Boudreaux, where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11 pipers piping arrives today from da House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fix stuffed goose and beef jambalaya, finish da whiskey and we having a fais-do-do.

Da new mailman he drink a bottle of Jack Daniel an he having good time yeah dancin wit de floozies. Thibeau he jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screamin yer name. If you get a
mysterious, tickin peckage in de mail, doan open it.

Day 12: Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore, no. Afta da fais-do-do, I spent de night wit Jacque, de head piper.

We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. Da floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing, can make $20 for a table dance, and de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats.

Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimpin business. We probably gross a million clams nex year.

[terry]

Thats funny.

[Chop Smith]

I love the culture of my coonass neighbors in Louisiana

[Lori_Anderson]

thats cute

[MrYum]

Takes a moment to translate...but is very cute

[Linkster]

too good ta skin dem nutrias I caught las night

Haha - and only people from around here would understand that LOL - those are some big eyes staring at you when you see them at night

[Chop Smith]

Originally Posted by Linkster

too good ta skin dem nutrias I caught las night

Haha - and only people from around here would understand that LOL - those are some big eyes staring at you when you see them at night

http://lamer.lsu.edu/topics/exotics/nutria/history.htm

[Linkster]

While we're on the subject of Boudreaux:

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought “I’m not hiring that lazy Cajun…”, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux, hoping he wouldn’t be able to answer the questions, and he’d be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, Without using numbers, represent the number 9. Boudreaux says, “Dat’s easy” and proceeds to draw three tree’s.

The boss says, “What the hells that?”

Boudreaux says “Tree ‘n tree n’ tree makes nine”.

Fair enough, says the boss.

Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. “Der ya go sir” he says.

The boss scratches his head and says, ” How on earth do you get that to represent 99?

Boudreaux says ” each tree’s dirty now! so it’s dirty tree, n’ dirty tree n’ dirty tree, dats 99.

The boss is getting worried he’s going to have to hire him, so he says, “All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100″.

Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, “I got it!” he makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says “There ya go sir. 100.”

The boss looks at Boudreaux’s attempt and thinks, “Ha! got him this time.” “Go on Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred.”

Boudreaux leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, “A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got, dirty tree an’ a turd, dirty tree an’ a turd, and dirty tree an’ a turd, which makes a hundred, when do I start my job?”


And my favorite Boudreaux of all time:

Boudreaux died and was on his way down to Hell. In anticipation, the Devil turned up the thermostat to make it extra warm for Boudreaux. When Boudreaux arrived, the Devil asked, "Hey Boudreaux, how do you like the heat down here?"
Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's just fine. It reminds me of Bayou PonPon in July."

That made the Devil mad. That night, he turned the thermostat up all the way it could go. Man it was hot! When Boudreaux woke up, the Devil asked him, "NOW how do you like it down here?"

Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's fine. It reminds me of August on Bayou Lafourche."

As you might expect, that made the Devil all the more mad. Well, that night, he turned the thermostat down all the way it could go! The whole place frosted over. Icicles started forming from the rafters. When Boudreaux woke up, the Devil asked him, "How you like it NOW, Boudreaux?"

Boudreaux, shivering, through blue lips, says, "Mais cher, I'm one happy Cajun!"

The Devil was infuriated! He yelled, "What do you mean you're one happy Cajun?!!"

Boudreaux, still shivering says, "The Saints done won the Superbowl!"

[MrYum]

Awesome Linkster!

[Halfdeck]

LOL Linkster that's hilarious.

[emmanuelle]

well done!

[FanTC]

Originally Posted by Linkster

"The Saints done won the Superbowl!"

Who Dat?