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Old 2008-08-29, 11:36 PM   #2
walrus
Oh no, I'm sweating like Roger Ebert
 
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Los Angeles
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First, thanks for putting yourself on the chopping blog err block.

Personally, I feel you over use your keywords a bit. By the time I got to the second paragraph, it seemed like I was reading something I had already read. The whole thing felt spammy.

I put a lot of stock in the readability of a post. Words and pictures combining to create a mental fantasy for the reader. Truth is I've let myself get so out of practice with this that I probably only am able to do it satisfactorily on rare occasions and usually I don't take enough time to force myself to do it properly

I've always wondered why you felt Colorado was such a valid keyword. You must be really targeting all the perverts there as you used that specific keyword 9 times.

Talk about readability problems, I've been all over the place so far.

Anyway, here is how I would improve on your post.
Quote:
Title: Nasty Teen Cools Her Hot Little Cunt

This nasty teen lives just outside Denver, Colorado and spends most of her free time hiking in the mountains. After a long afternoon in the mountains, this nasty teenager loves to cool her hot little pussy down and she knows no better way of doing that than to get naked and spread her cunt wide open and let in some cool fresh air.

Picture 1

It's really too bad that all Colorado teens are not as nasty as Jayda, because, from my point of view, having more hot teens flashing their little pussies in the cool mountain air would be a very good thing. In fact, we could have this nasty little teen show nasty teenagers everywhere how to properly cool their overheated little cunts, quickly and safely. Maybe we could even make an instructional video titled "How To Safely Cool You Cunt".

Picture 2

But for now, you can check out all of the hot pictures of this nasty Colorado teenager's hot little cunt at www.glassmannequin.com
Since I write a bit more in the text area I'll leave a link to one of my posts so that you can feel free to rip it apart. Just take note now that I do realize I overuse the word fuck / fucking way to much.

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