Wow Tigermom, you just said everything I wanted to say. Bravo.
Speaking as a submitter (albeit a lapsed one who is thinking about doing it again soon), your list is spot on. And as a small linklist owner, I wouldn't have a problem with those suggestions (although I must admit, it's not like I'm swamped with spammy submissions... or many submissions at all LOL).
Can the owners of existing large linklists accommodate these suggestions from trusted submitters? Do they do it anyway?